I've been super busy lately, and when I'm not busy, I've been lazy as hell. This is pretty much a common theme in my life. The problem is that I haven't been working on what is actually really important for my future - grad school applications. It might be good to at least decide where I want to apply. It also might help if I let my professors know so they could write my recommendation letters.
I wish I was more sure of what I actually wanted to do with my life. Oh well.
I've been thinking a lot about what's been happening in the past year.
At first glance, I would say I've become a completely different person. But then I realize that maybe I've just finally begun to understand who I already was.
I think I underestimated the value of taking the time to get to know myself. I thought college was a waste of time. I felt like I was having no impact on the world... I wasn't helping anybody. But I think having this past year for myself was a more valuable experience than I could've imagined. I'll be a more productive member of society because at least I know who I am.
And I couldn't have done it if I had been in a relationship. Getting dumped by my fiancé last year was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Seriously. When I tell people I used to be engaged but it didn't work out, they always seem to pity me. Oh Caro, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. But I think I really needed that slap in the face to wake me up and get me going. Who knows if I ever would've discovered my sexuality otherwise. I don't even want to imagine what life would've been like I had married him. I can't see myself being a very good housewife.
Now I'm a free woman. The world is my oyster.
I just wish I knew what to do with it.
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Let me tell you a story about an oyster - see, a long time ago, there were millions of oysters laying at the bottom of the ocean. One day God said I'm going to make one different. You know what he does? He puts a tiny piece of sand in one of the oysters. Now, you know what it can do that all the others can't? It can make a beautiful pearl...
Fried Green Tomatoes reference..completely off topic, cept it has lesbians. But seriously, good thoughts - you are right, everything happens for a reason. I'm glad you are discovering who you are - even though it can be hard as hell sometimes and confusing.
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