neverendingloveaffair.

How long do you
try, try again

before you just
have to

let it go?

out of tune.

What do you do
when the thing you wanted to happen all along
happens?

And what do you do
if you don't want it anymore?


...Do you?

i'm not your home.

I'm not your home,
and you can't keep
coming back to me.

Dragging yourself
up my steps
in the dead of night.

I won't leave
the light on
for you.

if you want to hang onto me.

You'll want me
to fall in love with you
slowly and subtly.

It's really best if I don't realize it
until it's too late.

shihō ii.

If someone stabbed your left hand,
you would automatically pull the knife out with your right hand.

You wouldn't say,
"I don't know, left hand. What have you done for me lately?"

i dream of kissing your freckled cheeks.

Talking to you, ---
is like a breath of fresh air.
Just seeing your words
is like crawling back
into my own bed
after months of sleeping
on a stranger's rusty springs.

I'm bleeding, ---.

Why did you go to him?
I was coming back for you.
I swear to God
I was always coming back to you.
Why did you go away from me?
My feet are blistered and torn
I have traveled so far
to be near you.

But still I dream of you.
I dream of kissing your freckled cheeks.

I'm bleeding, ---.

And now by the word of God
you bound yourself to him.
Through stone and metal.
With paper and gauze
and oh, the flowers!
The blood and the seed!
You shackled yourself to him.
You sealed your fate.

But I still dream of you, ---.

and here's what i think.

One can approach the truth
only in the manner in which
one would approach infinity.


lim x = ∞
x → truth


⠞⠗⠥⠞⠓

no eyes. no ears. no tongue.

If you won't forgive me,
I don't know if I can ever
forgive myself.

But what can I do?
What could I say
to make you change your mind?

Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.

myriad rice cakes.

About a month after you dump me,
I throw your toothbrush away.

Why are the little things so hard to let go of?

panacea.

There is no sorrow that a cold beer and a lesbian cannot cure.

the sweetest voicemail i've ever gotten from my Oma, or anybody.

Caroline. Sweetheart.
This was the sweetest card I've ever got from you, or anybody. And I really thank you and I love you so much too. You know that, right?
(...)

I really really really really... adore you, you might say. Haha.
Sounds corny, right?
But you are a sweetheart.

A lot of people don't know how sweet you are.
But I do.

Okay, sweetie?
Bye bye.

splinter.

The woman I love married a man.

And the man I love is married to the sea.

And I am left poring over letters.

And I am married to no one.

wanting.

I wish you would be who I really want you to be.
Someone who would want me like I want you.
Because I want you so badly it hurts.

But what I really want
is to not want you
at all.

i'm going to laugh in the face of the next person who tells me they love me.

I don't want to be loved.
I would simply like to be... wanted.
I want someone to say to me,
"I sure would like to wake up next to you in the morning."

Love seems to have been abstracted into a word
and perhaps a vague feeling.

Love is no longer an action.
It doesn't seem to require anything out of the lover.

I feel like "love" has become almost completely meaningless.
So I'm giving up on it.

Next time you start to have warm, fuzzy feelings for me,
please don't tell me.

Instead could you maybe just...
do something nice for me?

What if you couldn't be with the person you loved?
Even if they loved you too?
Even though there was nothing holding you back?
Nothing except...
"Oh I love you very much, but I don't have time for you."

"I love you very much but I have more important things to deal with than you right now."

Would you be as miserable as I am right now?

Or is there something wrong with me?

getting dumped.

What a fun and fantastic way to start off a new year.