they say no man is an island, but i think i just broke off and drifted into the ocean.

Thick skin.
Smooth and flawless.
Won't you crack and let me bleed?
Poreless.
Non-porous.
Is it safer to be dried-up and numb?
Or would I welcome
the sharp tip of a knife
slitting through these layers?
Splitting open.
The burst of this abscess.
And discharge of my choked-up tears.

rising.

This need bubbles up in my soul.
A feeling that months of hibernation
could not squelch.
A thirst that has not yet
been quenched.
An unextinquished flame.
I had thought.
For so long I had thought
that she had crushed me.
Crushed the small, quiet bloom
of my naivete.
A discarded idea.
A distorted image.
Turned inward on itself and
sleeping in the safety of the familiar.
How could I believe?
How could I have hoped that I?
I could awaken again?

dreams.

Like petals unfolding
their pale faces to the moon,
So my heart awakens.
Spreading out
to fill the dark night,
Reaching out
beyond the edges of consciousness
into Infinity...

loving you.

Loving you is like pulling teeth.
Perhaps only slightly more gentle...
quietly extracting the most precious of knowledge.

Loving you is a discovery-
A process, even...
pulling back the unremarkable, colorless husk
to discover the still, silent bud
that sleeps within.

Loving you is the violent shedding
of first impressions.
And the slow emergence of truth.

Loving you might be a little easier
if you would only pull back your drab curtains
and leave me stunned and blinking in the brightness that is you.

But perhaps the beauty in loving you...

is that it's not so easy.

for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

YHWH.

You fill my heart
until I'm so ripe,
I'm bursting.

I lay at your feet,
ripped open,
and I am Yours.

Please,
I am fragile.
Do not crush me.

i think i could hate you if i didn't love you so much.

There's a difference between confidence and arrogance.
There's a difference between receiving and taking.

Your science has not disproven my God.
And I don't believe it ever will.
[10/26/07]

three. nine. five.

Why are you
the only thing in my life right now
that throws me off course?

Tearing after me,
shining your light on me,
and then snatching it away.

How does your light
plunge me into such darkness?

Why does your sweetness leave
such a bitter taste on my tongue?